Mormons are instructed they must only submit names of direct ancestors and their immediate family (parents, siblings, etc.) unless they have permission from the family. Not every Mormon knows the rule, however, although it is written in the places where submissions are made, and many feel they are helping people they consider special by submitting their names. Therefore, when a name is inappropriately submitted, it is due to a misunderstanding of the rules by the member who submitted it. Since they can be submitted online, there is generally not a worker who can ask them about the names they’ve submitted. The church itself does not submit these names and does not give permission for the practice. Of course, as you go further back into a famous person’s genealogy, there are LDS church members who can legitimately submit the names because they are also descendants of the ancestors.

 A church member who finds she shares ancestors with President Obama can submit those ancestors, but cannot continue forward through the line to President Obama’s mother. So, for instance, if a member shares her sixth great grandmother with President Obama, she can submit that grandparent and the grandparents’ immediate families. She can continue further into the past, because those are her direct family, but cannot move forward, all the way to the present.

When a name is sent to a temple, the work is done by a living proxy. This person may be a descendent, or it may be someone using a randomly assigned name that was submitted by another church member. It’s important to understand what Mormons teach about that deceased person.

The Bible teaches that baptism is necessary for eternal life. “Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.” (See Acts 2:38.) Even Jesus Christ, who had no sins to repent of, insisted on being baptized, because it was a required action. Baptism is not an optional commandment.

Many religions struggle with this particular issue, because they realize there are those who had no opportunity to choose baptism, and to deny them eternal salvation due to something beyond their control conflicts with their understanding of a loving God. The Bible gives us the answer to this problem. Paul asked the Corinthians: “Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?” (1 Corinthians 15:29). It is easy to understand the meaning of this question. He asked the people why they were doing baptisms for the dead if the dead didn’t rise. Well, of course, the dead do rise. He was not explaining baptisms for the dead; he was teaching that the dead do rise and that this was the purpose of these proxy baptisms. Baptisms for the dead were something they obviously already knew about, since he didn’t take any time to explain them. It was in practice at the time and lost in the apostasy. Paul knew, as did Jesus’ other followers, that baptism was necessary for salvation, and that a loving God provided for the challenge of having people die prior to receiving the gospel.

However, God also gives us agency. No one is forced to become a member of God’s church, even if he knows it is true. This gift of agency does not end with death. A baptism by proxy only gives the deceased person the opportunity to accept baptism on his behalf. He is first taught the gospel, just as he would have on earth. Even though at this point, he clearly knows what is true, he is free to reject it if he chooses to do so. Even during life, some people who have received confirmation of the truthfulness of the gospel decide they prefer not to accept or live the truth, and this is also true after death. We continue to be ourselves after we die.

The work can be done one year after death, allowing time for this instruction to occur and for the decision to be made. When the work has been done by a proxy, the deceased person decides whether or not to accept the gift that has been offered. If he rejects it, it is as if it never happened, and he goes on with the life he has earned and chosen. If he does accept, then the proxy ordinance is accepted just as if it had been done by him in his lifetime.

The baptized person is never placed on the records of the earthly church, since we do not know who accepted or what their choices are in Heaven. Those records are kept in the heavenly realm. Here, the only record kept is that the work was done, giving that person the option to accept or reject.

The answer to the question, then, of whether President Obama’s mother is a Mormon is that she is not. The church cancelled the baptism. This means that if she accepted the baptism, the privileges of baptism have been taken from her until one of her own descendants converts and has the work redone. If she had rejected it, nothing has changed for her anyway. Even if the baptism had not been cancelled, her name was never on the records of the earthly church as a member, and she would be a Mormon in Heaven only if she chose to be.

More on the Mormon baptism of Obama’s mother

Begin by listing all the spouses for each person you can find. You need the spouses who are not your direct line as well. You also need the spouses of the non-direct spouses. For instance: Man A had children with Woman B, Woman C, and Woman D. You’re not sure yet which ones he might have actually married. Woman C is your direct ancestor. However, Woman C had an additional husband, and Woman D had two additional husbands. You need all the husbands and wives involved in this story and all the children resulting from each relationship, even though technically, many of them are not related to you in any way. Otherwise you run the risk of missing a child or assigning him to the wrong parent. Read more

I was helped by the fact that the town was just over two square miles total and everyone is pretty much related, one way or another. Because of this, the town boasted a wonderful genealogy library and historical society. I planned to center my week around that library. Read more

A genealogical vacation involves spending time in a place where your ancestors lived. It allows you to see for yourself where they lived, placing them into context. Even though things are changed, a genealogy buff with a good imagination can remove the houses, telephone poles, and cars and get a glimpse into the past. Read more

1. What do the dates tell you about their trials? For instance, one of my ancestors buried a large number of her ten children before she died at a very old age. Some of them died as children. Imagine how she felt, not just losing one or two, but four or five. How did she cope? How did she feel during pregnancies, knowing she might lose the child?

2. Examine historical events occurring during their lifetime and place your ancestor into the event. Even if your ancestor didn’t live near a Civil War battle or fight in it, it’s likely she was affected by the war. Find out how the war affected her area and start imagining how she fit into all of this.

3. Figure out why they moved. Especially in early days, people moved for a reason, not just for fun or employment. What caused them to uproot and leave their families in a time when they couldn’t stay in touch by phone or email? One of my ancestors moved often. When I started researching the towns they lived in, I realized they always moved during times of religious upheaval. The church would begin to argue over some point of doctrine, and their group was the one that moved away and started something new. By examining this, I was also able to learn something about their beliefs, even though they didn’t leave journals.

4. Study their religious faith. It’s likely your family includes many different religions. Learning something about their religion will tell you something about what they likely believed and how they probably lived. Notice when they joined this religion, if a baptism date is available. If they were adults, you may be able to glean important insights into what they wanted from life.

5. Notice if their children lived differently than the parents. If the children moved away, chose new religions, went into unusual careers, you’ll learn something about how your family evolved.

6. Find out how people in their class and location lived. Even if you’re not sure it applies to them, you’ll gain insights into the kinds of people they were. If they lived in a town where few were educated, but you find a clue that they were, you know they could rise above their circumstances. If most people weren’t educated, and you’re not sure they were, how did they live? What might their daily lives have been like?

7. Start as far back as you can and try to find a pattern in the evolution of your family. Where did they move over the years? What careers did they follow? How did your family change and why?

8. Find out why they came to your country. Even if you don’t know, it’s likely you can figure it out based on history. When I looked at the year my Irish ancestors came from Ireland, it was easy to see they came due to the potato famine, but they came the very last year. What enabled them to hold out so long? Did they know it ended, and were they sorry they didn’t wait? Those are stories waiting for me to investigate in the future.

Spend some time exploring not just the statistics, but the world in which your ancestors lived. Place them in context of their time, their faith, and their careers to understand more about who they are, and how that affects who you are today. When you spend more time imagining about your ancestors, the work becomes more interesting.

I like to stop and picture a family after entering them into a family group sheet. I try to imagine their home at the moment of the census record I’m studying, and check out their neighbors as well. By then researching the time and place, and looking for the hidden stories, my ancestors become real people to me. As a Mormon, I believe families are forever, and so, when I return to Heaven, I don’t want to be eternally joined to a group of strangers. I spend time getting to know them now and I’m looking forward to meeting them and finding out how accurate my guesses were.

For one thing, most genealogical societies have great libraries. While the majority of these books will contain information about the area, they may also have collected books about surrounding areas or have random information that was donated by some passer through. It’s always worth while to check their catalog.

While you’re at it you might as well become a member. Membership fees are small with big benefits. Suddenly you’ll realize you’re surrounded by people who share a common interest. You may not realize your neighbor three doors down was an avid genealogist until you meet her at a society function. It really helps you feel a sense of community and that you’re not alone in your research.

Most societies hold monthly meetings or host special workshops which focus on genealogical skills in general. Of course some will focus on local resources but the topics should vary.

Maybe one month you’ll learn about how to improve your internet search skills. Maybe the next month you’ll learn about how to organize your genealogy. At these meetings you can make new friends. Maybe you’ll find someone like you, who doesn’t have any ancestry in the area. Maybe you’ll befriend someone and find out you’re actually related through your 9th great grandfather. You won’t know until you go. Plus the enthusiasm and passion genealogists have is always contagious, whether you have any ancestors in the area or not. Visiting or joining your local genealogical society may be a great motivator in your personal research.

Have I convinced you yet? If so, all you have to do now is find your local society and go. You can search for the one nearest you by visiting Society Hall and click on the link under Search/Edit the Society Directory.

“And now, my dearly beloved brethren and sisters, let me assure you that these are principles in relation to the dead and the living that cannot be lightly passed over, as pertaining to our salvation. For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect. – Doctrine and Covenants 128:15

“Genealogy is not family group record forms, pedigree charts, microfilms, name abbreviations, and technical regulations. These are only tools. Genealogy is the study of one’s family, the study of our ancestors—their birth, their childhood, their dreams, their marriages, their occupations, their children, their deaths. And because these things in the past all have an impact on the present, in a very real sense, genealogy is a study of one’s self.” – George D. Durrant, Doing Genealogy: Finding That Glorious, Elusive Condition Called ‘Balance’ Ensign, Apr 1985, 1

You don’t necessarily have to know much about genealogy to help others with their family history research. Some of the biggest genealogical helps came about simply because people cared about the history of events or people in their area and decided to preserve or record documents or document sources, either within a specific category or in general. One example of this is the The Dibean Michigan Marriage Index.

Jack and Marianne Dibean began indexing records of marriage for the state of Michigan years ago and the project has been an immense help for those who have ancestors from Michigan, like myself. I found an ancestor in their index which provided me with the information I needed to send for the actual record of marriage.

Now, of course you don’t need to start a statewide indexing project. Even if you just help one person down the road you will have done a great thing. Here are 5 ways you can help:

1. Save obituaries from your local paper – This one should take you no more 15 minutes a day to do. Cut out all the obituaries from your local paper. Use a paper clip to hold all the entries from that day and add a note stating the name of the newspaper and the date. File all of your entries in a folder to donate to your local historical or genealogical society. Or submit them to an online website such as the USGenweb. Someone down the road will be very grateful you took the time to do this.

2. Transcribe a local cemetery – Do you have a couple of free hours on Saturdays? Visit a local cemetery and start writing down the information on the headstones. Even if you can’t finish the entire cemetery in that time or over a series of weeks, a partial transcription is better than none. Again you can submit the information to an online website or to a local society. Check online first to make sure you won’t be duplicating someone else’s efforts.

3. Keep a journal intended for public use – This means keeping a journal that might detail how life is in your community. You could keep track of changing prices of staple food items such as milk and bread. You could write about the weather, the wildlife and greenery in your area, the names of neighbors and friends and where they live. You could include newspaper articles about important local events. It’s little details like these that your descendants will crave. They will want to know what life was like for you. And others who are not descended from you may get an idea of what life was like for their ancestor who lived in your area, based on your views. Again, publish it online at some point or submit it to the local society.

4. Write down information from the Family Bible entries on Ebay or another auction site – That’s right. Its sounds maybe a little strange but what a help it might be to someone. After all, only one person can have possession of that family bible. Old family bibles often have the family genealogy written somewhere within and auctioneers on ebay may list those names and dates or be willing to provide them when asked for. When writing down this information be sure to include the Bible information (year, type, etc.) and the auction information (seller, auction number, etc.) and include any pictures you may have been given of those names and dates. Publish your information online or mail it to a society where the ancestors therein lived.

5. Interview older members of your community who have lived there for a long time – Maybe someone you know or you could ask a local retirement home for permission to visit someone like that. Bring along a notebook or a tape recorder and be prepared to listen. Come with a list of questions to spark remembrances. Submit the entry and whose remembrances they were.

The idea of a family newsletter was another novelty I encountered upon getting married. The members of my extended family usually called each other on birthday’s and that was about the extent of our contact during the year, excepting the occasional visit.

After marrying my husband I discovered that not only did his family have regular parties and game nights, they also kept in touch with distant relatives by sending out a quarterly newsletter. We loved receiving that large manilla envelope every four months and reading about the lives of our relatives around the country in their own words. And of course it was fun to write our own little addition detailing new church callings, jobs and other activities. I have no doubt you’ll love starting your own family newsletter. And it’s much simpler than planning a reunion.

First you’ll need to decide on a name for your publication. Our family newsletter is very simply titled, Owens Family Newsletter with the subtitle, The Descendants of Joseph Alma Owens and Alice Elvaretta Harris. You can keep it simple like that or be more creative. You could even ask family for their ideas if you’re having a hard time coming up with your own.

Additional details that you’ll want to think through before gathering submissions for the newsletter are:

* How often will it be published

* In what format will it be published (email, hard copy or both)

* From whom will submissions be gathered/for whom will it be published (maternal or paternal side of the family or both, all descendants of grandparents on down or great-grandparents on down, etc.)

* A set deadline for submissions and target deadline for actual mailing

To get your newsletter up and running, it might be best to start with submissions from your immediate family or other relatives in the area. Then you can send out the first newsletter to distant relatives with a note explaining what you are doing and the actual first copy so they can see how it works and then decide if they want to participate and/or write their own update about themselves. Be clear in communicating your vision for keeping in touch but be respectful of your families ideas.

In, Getting the Whole Family on One Tree,” Ensign, Feb 1981, 42 Godfrey J. Ellis spoke of the difficulties and joys of trying to organize a family newsletter within his “fractured” family. He said:

“It seemed to us that organization had to begin with communication, so we decided to start a family newsletter called, harmlessly enough, The Family Tree. My wife and I spent hours planning such noncontroversial features as “Family Member of the Month” and “Family Talent Spotlight.” But then we discovered that some of our extended family members don’t believe in the concept of family! Rather, they believe that one’s family should be humanity, or especially those who believe in Christ. Although it was difficult for us to understand, some family members of different religious beliefs see the family unit as a myopic concern that must be overcome and outgrown.

The problems continued. Should the newsletter contain news of birthdays and Halloween activities? Would we talk of Christmas excitement and the birth of our Savior? Some family members don’t believe in birthdays, Halloween, or Christmas! Could we put in President Carter’s proclamation declaring the week of November 19 as “National Family Week”? Over half the family members do not live in the United States.

We found the key to be sincere respect for the beliefs of others and keen sensitivity to each member’s feelings. Family members need to feel that the organization includes them, regardless of where they live, where they fit in the family structure, or what they may believe. “

Don’t forget to ask for the Lord’s council as you work on possibly beginning a very valuable tradition within your family

“I suppose all of us have our own favorite reason for having family reunions. In a way, they are extensions of family home evenings. Family reunions are an opportunity to gather our larger, eternal families together to learn to understand and love one another, and to unite ourselves in the work of the Lord, just as we do in family home evenings.” – Alma Heaton, Really Getting Together: Your Family Reunion, Ensign, Jun 1975, 12

In a previous post I talked about the importance of improving extended family relationships and mentioned a few ways that this might be done. I’d like to discuss one of those ways now: planning a family reunion.

Growing up I had never attended a family reunion, at least in the official sense of the word. We would go on vacations to visit family at times, since our immediate family was alone in our area. We lived in Utah and all of my Aunts, Uncle and Grandparents lived either on the West Coast or in Texas, so we didn’t see them very often.

As a youth whenever I heard the word reunion I envisioned a massive gathering of family including extended family I may never have even known existed. I thought maybe there would be games and picture taking and lots of food. I discovered I was pretty much on the mark after I got married. My husband is the 12th of 13 children and his family reunions are even bigger than I had imagined. He grew up with a yearly family reunion that involved 3 days of camping out somewhere, barbecuing, games, a family auction and more with at least 100 people. I was pretty amazed the first time I went.

Of course a reunion doesn’t have to be on such a large scale. In the Summer of 2002 my family decided to have it’s first reunion. Everyone flew out to southern California where my grandparents lived and we spent a week together, wore matching reunion shirts and got pictures taken. There was a grand total of 19 of us (only one person missing), but we still had a great time.

Maybe you’ve wanted to plan a family reunion for some time but thought the task too intimidating. Well, I can assure you with realistic goals and proper delegation it’s something you can make happen fairly easily. Let’s look at the fundamentals of a traditional family reunion:

1. Family Members (hopefully this one was obvious)

2. A date, place and length of time

3. A Budget

4. Activities

5. A Menu

That’s not so bad is it? Now, let’s look at actually planning the reunion:

1. Make a list of all family members including spouses, children, cousins, etc. and get addresses and phone numbers for each person/family on your list. Plan an invitation for everyone. Even if Aunt Myrtle is bed ridden she will be happy you sent her an invitation.

2. Involve the family in your planning. Most likely you and a few others will be the ones to really organize everything but you can’t have a reunion if no one wants to attend. Send out an email asking if there is interest in a reunion. Offer up two or three place and date options for reunion asking family members what they would prefer. Choose places which are relatively close to the larger clusters of your family. The easier it is to get there, the more likely they’ll be to show up. After you have guaged your families responses, then you can make the final decision and prepare the actual invitations.

3. Develop a budget and ask for contributions from everyone who plans on attending. The more people who attend, the lower the cost for each family will be. Ask for contributions to arrive before the reunion so you’re not having to spend your own money on all of the costs.

4. Reserve a site early. If you’re planning on having everyone stay in a campground or a hotel you should reserve it early. Especially for larger groups. My husbands family reserves their reunion site about a year in advance.

5. Plan out a menu. Keep it simple for yourself. Sloppy Joes, tacos, hot dogs, muffins and other quick and cheap foods will definitely keep the stress down.

6. Plan activities. Kids activities, adult activities, mixed activities. Make sure there is plenty to do. Maybe involve prizes in some of your activities.

7. Delegate actual reunion responsibilities. Once you know who will be attending it’s time to start asking for help with the actual reunion. Well ahead of time, ask someone to be the main photographer for the group, taking both posed and candid shots. Maybe you could ask others to rotate through the jobs of cooking and cleaning.

In some upcoming posts we’ll be looking at some great reunion activities, easy recipes and other ideas to make it easy to get to know your extended family better at your own family reunion.

“Whether we live in the same city in which other members of our family live, or far away, or even whether we have any living relatives, our choices are the same. Our extended family can be seen as a natural extension of ourselves, or they can be seen as distractions from our own needs and interests.

The scriptures abound with insight into the value of maintaining good extended family relationships. Abraham, for instance, left Ur of Chaldees and took with him his brother’s son Lot to follow the Lord in a new land. (See Gen. 11:31.) During a time of famine, Joseph of Egypt saved the lives of his father, brothers, sister, and their families. (See Gen. 42–47.) Moses and his father-in-law, Jethro, discussed their welfare on at least one occasion: “Moses hearkened to the voice of his father in law, and did all that he said.” (Ex. 18:24.) Though he was a prophet, Moses honored his father-in-law and respected his counsel.” – “Extending Family Relationships,” Ensign, Oct 1986, 57

It’s not always easy to improve our family relationships. Sometimes you may not even want to try when it concerns certain individuals. Maybe you simply can’t see eye to eye with your Mother in Law. Maybe your don’t like being around a cousin because you find them annoying. Then of course there are generational differences. Perhaps you feel like your grandparents simply can’t relate and that it’s not worth telling them about the ups and downs of your life. Or perhaps simple distance between your areas of residence prevents you from trying to establish anything more than a yearly Christmas card correspondence.

“Developing close ties between generations can sometimes be challenging. Challenging also are the relationships we must develop after marriage. The mother who enjoyed being the special confidant of a son or daughter can no longer assume that role. The father who has been a provider and adviser to a child will discover that his role changes when that child marries. Likewise, the son or daughter who marries must also assume new responsibilities. New in-law relationships must be strengthened. A daughter-in-law needs to understand her mother-in-law’s past relationship with her son, and the mother-in-law must understand and accept the position of her son’s wife as the new central figure in his life.” – “Extending Family Relationships,” Ensign, Oct 1986, 57

Ours is the duty to practice patience and understanding as concerns our family members. They are worth getting to know better. It is also worth the effort because it may strengthen Christlike attributes within ourselves such as those mentioned above.

There are many ways to improve extended family relationships. You could write regular letters or emails to a relative who lives far away. You could start a Family Newsletter or a Family Blog or organize a family reunion.

If some of your family relationships are in turmoil I encourage you to go to the Lord in prayer. Ask him to soften your heart toward the relation with which you are struggling. Pray for understanding and love. If you really want to change your relationship with that person for the better, I can think of no better way to make it happen than with Heavenly Father’s help. If you ask in sincerity he will bless you with the understanding or patience you desire.

“Extending our family to include grandparents and cousins, grandchildren and nieces, neighbors and friends is really just a matter of extending our love. And as the Lord has consistently counseled, the more love we extend, the fuller our life will be of the things that matter most.” – “Extending Family Relationships,” Ensign, Oct 1986, 57